My Dedication

When I first came to tanzania in 2008 I was a different person and my world was a different place. I was married to a marvelous women. It was more then married, we actually felt star crossed. I mean we met hitchhiking in Vermont, I was 20, she was 18. And it really was a done deal at " hi where are you going?".

We were sure we were the luckiest people we knew but being human we didn't jump up and down and shout it to the world everyday. In addition to a life together,we made 2 trips to NW Tanzania, educated ourselves to what world poverty is, educated others, saved a life or two and planned to keep coming back because...well because we could. It really is that simple. Maybe it was a payback for our good fortune but really? what are you suppose to do here? We are here to make things better for ourselves and others . In that order, I assume.....

Anyway in Oct 2010 the bottom dropped out, the wheels fell off, the dream ended. Barbara died from untreatable triple negative breast cancer just 9 months after diagnosis and I found myself kicked out of the luckiest people in the world club. Traumatized, trunkated and eviscerated, for the first time in my life I felt old and very mortal.

I received lots of help and support but the best words that clicked with me where what my friend Jerry Doherty just sort of spontaneously blurted out in mid paragraph one day: " hey we are all just renters here man".

It has not slipped by me that it is 9 months since Barabara died and that it was 9 months between her diagnosis and her death. There is symmetry in life ....and death. Will I close the loop? Pick up my guts? Pack them back in, heal my wounds,stand up and walk, and be left with my scars? This is my story.

I dedicate this journey of healing to Barbara. The journey will not just be the next 3 months in NW Tanzania, it will be the rest of my life. How long is that? Who knows? Some times measurement of time is meaningless. Maybe I will take it in 9 month segments. After all we are just renters here.